<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Soul to Spare by Tempcard</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25947451">A Soul to Spare</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tempcard/pseuds/Tempcard'>Tempcard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SHINee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, No Character Death, Shinee boys all live</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:35:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25947451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tempcard/pseuds/Tempcard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee Jinki, the foremost authority on soul splitting, has renounced his practice and sworn to never again work as a mage scientist. His resolve is tested by reports of a new phenomenon--patients suddenly appearing missing fragments of their souls. Burdened with the knowledge that he is perhaps the only one in the world who can solve this mystery and heal those afflicted, Jinki takes up the case as a favor to an old friend. But what he finds drags up the very depths that he tried to run from, the relationships he tried to bury, and the horrid secret that ruined it all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As he passed, the houses grew further and further apart, gone from great clusters of cramped noise to the evenly spaced rows of white picket perfection he observed now. Behind perfectly trimmed hedges lay upper-class perfection, from the dainty china he supposed sat in their cabinets to the pools they likely had in their backyards. In his mind he recalled the tight smiles, too-loud laughter, and wary gazes, obsequiousness dripping of every word, superficiality lining every breath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knew these people. He had worked for them once, and it had cost him everything he knew. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And now he was back. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The foremost expert on soul separation and integration, known all throughout the world for his successful extraction of his own half-soul. Lee Jinki, the renowned scientist mage who had swore he would never again take up the practice of splitting souls.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But Leeteuk’s pleading eyes, the photographs splayed out across his table like a card trick, the irrefutable knowledge that he was the only one in the world--</span>
  <em>
    <span>except for him,</span>
  </em>
  <span> the voice in his head whispered</span>
  <em>
    <span>--</span>
  </em>
  <span>who could solve this case, all brought him away from his lab and back into society.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And here he was, in front of the General Hospital. The shine of sun on glass glinted off the wide windows, a too-bright contrast against the impeccable white concrete walls. All in all, the building looked imposing--too perfectly maintained to be the site of heartbreak and tragedy. But then again, maybe Jinki was predisposed to thinking only in those terms, he supposed, fingering the crystal orb hanging off his belt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Thanking the driver Leeteuk had prepared for him, Jinki tipped the man and shuffled to face the hospital. He could feel the thrum of excitement in his bones, echoing distantly into his consciousness. Discomforted by the feeling, and his own detachment from it, Jinki pulled his reasons for agreeing to this to the forefront of his mind--this was a tragedy, people were being hurt, </span>
  <em>
    <span>children</span>
  </em>
  <span> were being hurt, he is only here to help. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And to learn</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his mind supplied, </span>
  <em>
    <span>it’s been so long since we’ve used this half of our brain.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Frowning, Jinki pushed the doors to the hospital open, and introduced himself to the front desk staff, mouth twisting at the way the receptionist immediately dropped her notepad and tried to hide the awestruck tone of her voice as she called the department head downstairs. He was further discomforted by the way the man immediately appeared from behind the door to the lobby--he was clearly waiting for Jinki to arrive.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr. Lee, it is so good to have you hear,” the man said, sticking a hand out for Jinki to shake. He was a well-built man greying near the temples, with features that spoke much more toward a sense of kindness than one of beauty.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jinki, sir,” Jinki cut in, “You can call me Jinki.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The man nodded. “You can call me Dr. Han.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dr. Han, I’ve read the case files, but maybe you can refresh me on our way to the patients?” Jinki asked, feeling a strange and swirling mix of dread and excitement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, of course. For the past half-year or so, we’ve been getting handfuls of patients who appear to have no outward symptoms, but are behaving differently than their relatives or friends report is normal for them. Some are listless, some are excitable, but all of them seem to be incapable of moderating or balancing their emotions. They also are prone to fall into comas for no discernable reason, which is why we keep them here in the hospital, as they require daily care. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Our psychiatrists have assessed them, and nearly all diagnoses come back superficially appearing as some sort of mental illness. Indeed, we initially diagnosed these patients with extreme onsets of mental health crises, but medication and therapy proved ineffective. In addition to that, purely psychological causes would not explain the comas.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So we decided to hire a mage specialist to see if anything with their souls had been tampered with. And it appears that they all are missing some part of their soul. Which is why we turned to you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor concluded, and turned to see that his partner in conversation was stopped a few feet behind him, a strange look on his face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is something the matter, Jinki?” he asked, approaching the young man.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can call me Onew, Dr. Han,” the young man replied, sticking his hand out, “After all, I’ll be the one working with you on this case.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dr. Han blinked, but took the hand regardless.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Leeteuk might have told you, but I am the one who specialises in soul splitting and transferral. I am excited to meet these patients and find out what has happened. Did any of them mention a specific event that caused this phenomenon?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor stared for a second too long, before jolting and saying, “Yes, yes, actually, they did. In a way, at least. None of them can remember the day before they were changed. They remember in regular detail their lives before and after the event, but nothing about it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Fascinating,” Onew breathed, adjusting his glasses. “Traumatic events can sometimes cause a part of the soul to split from the body.” He paused to look down at the crystal orb. “Perhaps they all experienced some great trauma?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s possible,” Dr. Han conferred, before pausing in the hallway. “Up ahead is our ward for these patients. Please be prepared that not all of them will be accommodating of your visit.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Doctor,” Onew smiled. “Shall we begin?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Our first patient has been here the longest. We were ready to write off the boy’s condition as an anomaly of a sudden onset of mental health crisis or brain damage, but thanks to the persistence of his family, we’ve been keeping him under observation for over six months now. He’s very subdued, he won’t try to hurt you.” He made eye contact with some nurses about to enter the room before adding, with a wry smile, “Not like Taemin.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The doctor knocked twice on the door before pushing it open. Inside, a boy was being propped up into a sitting position by the nurses. He had long, wavy hair, and kept his face tilted down and out of sight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello Minho,” Dr. Han cheerfully smiled at the boy, whose eyes flickered over to him then fixed themselves back on the bed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The nurses gently coaxed Minho’s arm up and held it in a steady position to draw blood. Minho flinched when the needle entered his skin, but otherwise, remained completely detached from the process. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Is today a talking day, Minho?” Dr. Han asked, pulling out his clipboard. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Minho’s eyes darted nervously toward Onew, before returning to their position glancing down at his feet.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, this is, um, Onew. He’s a specialist in your condition, so he’s helping me observe today.” Dr. Han explained, turning to gesture at the young man before realizing with a surprised look that Onew was no longer standing near him in the doorway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, he had moved into the room, hurriedly digging through his pack, as he muttered under his breath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This is highly unusual,” he got out, fishing around until he pulled out another crystal orb. “The soul appears to have been split completely in half. It’s an almost surgical precision--exactly half. And it’s not an even line, either--it appears that whatever did this was able to pick and choose what components of the soul to extract. I’ve never seen anything like it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As Onew rambled, he approached Minho, who looked up at him with wide eyes. Minho tensed as Onew rested a hand on his shoulder, but Onew paid him no mind. He was too focused on observing the contours of the boy’s soul--a smooth, cold blue pulsing dully under his hands. A lovely color, Onew thought, but nothing terribly unusual, until one noticed the frayed edges--wrinkled and torn, clearly sheared through by a professional. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was fascinating. Onew could feel his pulse jumping in his chest as he surveyed the boy’s damaged soul. He knew very well that souls could be split in two and still leave a functional body behind, but that was when two souls were coexisting in one body. To see this, a half soul trying to fill out the space of an entire body, was something novel. Though, Onew noted, recalling the doctor’s interactions with the boy, it appeared complete functionality was somewhat lacking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finally noticing the trembling under his hands, Onew looked down to find that the boy was shrinking away from his touch. Blinking, Onew quickly removed his hand. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Minho,” he tried, sinking down so his face was at eye level, “I know this has been a confusing time for you. I believe your soul has been stolen.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy’s eyes raised to meet his, before skittering away. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it will be important for us to find out where the other half of your soul has gone. Can you tell me what you remember from before you were in the hospital?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a few beats of silence, Dr. Han cut in, “Minho’s family tells us he was an energetic and talkative boy, though somewhat shy around strangers. He was active and athletic.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Dr. Han, but I’m curious to hear what Minho remembers from his previous life. Minho, can you let me know if what Dr. Han said is true?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boy stared down at his feet. Onew could see the flares and twists of his soul--a clear indication of his anxiety, as if his tensed body and nervous glances weren’t enough. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Today might not be one of Minho’s vocal days, Onew. Sometimes he feels up to a couple of words, but those days are getting rarer as of late.” Dr. Han looked concerned at that last statement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Onew let out a puff of air, before standing back up and turning to Dr. Han. “You mentioned comas. Has Minho here fallen into one before?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, he was in a brief one just last week.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm. That is concerning.” Onew frowned. Minho was noted to be one of the longest residents in the hospital--perhaps his soul was wearing down from the effort of supporting an entire body? That would explain the increasing reluctance to communicate, the comas…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” he patted his hands on his thighs, “Maybe I can look at a few other patients, and see if I identify any similarities. Nice to meet you, Minho.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Dr. Han turned to the nurses. “Is it time for his walk? We need to keep his muscles from atrophying any faster than they already are.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They nodded, and returned to fussing over the boy as Onew and Dr. Han left the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the door closed, Dr. Han let out a sigh. “His condition is getting worse. Minho is quite popular amongst the staff, and his family visits weekly. If something can’t be done, then…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor trailed off, taking off his glasses to rub at his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Doctor. I learned quite a bit from this visit, and am sure I’ll learn more from seeing other patients.” Onew felt strangely compelled to reassure the man, smiling at him before something caught his eye. Down the hall, he could see a patient round the corner, pausing only to yank a gurney from the side of the hall behind him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Onew squinted at the scene. The patient was approaching closer, and with him, a clamor of banging and shouting followed. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Taemin!” Dr. Han shouted, getting into a bracing position in the middle of the hallway. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Catch him! Stop him!” Voices yelled as hospital personnel appeared behind the corner, pushing the gurney out of the way and scrambling to follow the rogue patient.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Now that the patient was in range, Onew could see that he was a boy, perhaps younger than Minho, with blonde hair flying in his face and a wild look on his eyes. His soul was stretching and spitting, a fluorescent yellow. He made eye contact with Onew, before twisting his face into a snarl and charging forward. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At that very moment, the door to Minho’s room swung open and, with nurses supporting his arms, Minho took a hesitant step out. Just as Onew had turned his head toward Minho, he felt a solid thud against his side, and then the sudden, shocking thrill of antigravity, before his head and upper back banged against something behind him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Disoriented and tangled in a pile of limbs, the final thing he registered was a feeling of bright heat against his thigh, before a blinding flash of pink light lit up the hallway.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Blinking away the remnants of that light behind his eyelids, he sat up. In the corner of his eye, he could see Dr. Han bent over near the wall; from far away he could hear the shouting of hospital staff. But up close, he saw the blonde boy--Taemin--groaning and pulling himself out of his lap. Taemin surveyed the scene behind him, including Minho, who was still sprawled out behind the both of them. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then Taemin smiled. He laughed for a beat, before reaching a hand down toward Minho. Minho’s eyes flicked upward, revealing a warm brown filled with a light that hadn’t been there before. Minho took Taemin’s hand, before offering the boy a small smile of his own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then the world came crashing back into place--Dr. Han stumbled over to grab Taemin and shout out for a tranquilizer, hospital staff came buzzing around them, crunching over the broken glass, and--wait. Broken glass?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait!” He cried out, rushing to put himself between the boys and the staff. “Wait, just...leave them alone for a second.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s going on, Onew? We need to restrain Taemin before he--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Jinki, Doctor.” He cut in. “Just wait, alright? I think something’s changed.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Indeed, Minho and Taemin seemed almost oblivious to all the commotion around them, standing still in the hallway with their hands clasped together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Taemin,” the boy spoke up, face no longer twisted into the angry grimace it once was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Minho,” Minho replied in a soft, deep voice, ignoring the gasps from the nurses.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Minho….” Taemin tested the word out. “I think we should be friends.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinki looked at the crystal fragments beneath his feet, the purple and orange swirls of the souls in front of him, and finally, the ceiling of the hospital corridor.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Just what are you planning, Jonghyun?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>--</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Even though it might not seem like it from this chapter, there is no Shinee character death in this story! That being said, folks who think they might be triggered or upset reading about characters missing Jonghyun might want to give this story a pass.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s a sense of yearning, of being drawn to look out the window to the horizon ahead. It’s a certainty that you know in your bones means you will be right, you’ll be whole once you get there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a sense that Kibum quashes under his feet with a cold and practiced precision, with the corrosive resentment of two years of anguish. He’s done this before, he has his tools and his methods. Meditation at sunrise every day. Kickboxing in the evenings to release the anger. Television in the evenings to fill the space. Kibum has this process down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But lately, the pull has been getting stronger and stronger. In the past two weeks, Kibum has found his gaze drifting down the subway lines, his focus scattered. A hollow ghost of a voice whispers almost-words in the back of his mind. If he paid attention, he could probably string a sentence or two together.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum does not pay attention.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He organizes his case studies, and reviews his anatomy books. Rather than his usual case consulting, he actually has to go into the hospital tomorrow to review lessons with residents. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Turning the light off, Kibum lays in bed. He quickly puts his earbuds in and plays upbeat music, ignoring the slow, sad melodic line playing just out of reach.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the morning, it’s the same routine as always. Meditation to empty the mind of thoughts. Coffee with cream. Simple, black outfits designed to avoid eliciting emotional reactions, paired with his white doctor’s coat.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>On the train, Kibum tensed as he was jostled toward the window. Unexpectedly, the sense of faraway yearning didn’t come this morning, making Kibum release a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. Perhaps this latest wave would soon pass.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum idly watches the scenery change, from the neighborhood clinic, to the grocery store, to the elementary school. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As he approaches the neighborhood with the hospital, he sees a pair of boys playing on the soccer field by the station. A young boy with bangs impishly dances around a taller boy, who, in spite of his stylishly wavy hair, looks peevish at the other boy’s antics. The taller boy gesticulates with his arms toward the goal post, and the smaller boy kicks the soccer ball in the opposite direction.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum would snicker at the taller boy’s expression, but when the two boys turn their heads toward the train, Kibum’s heart lurches so hard at the sight of their faces that he thinks the train has stopped.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boys have matching expressions of wide-eyed shock, which Kibum can feel mirroring his own. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Jonghyun?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum presses his arm against the window, and cradles his face in the crook of his arm to hide his panting breaths. The urge to throw himself out of the moving train and leap toward the field is growing in him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Muttering out apologies, Kibum stumbles his way to the doors and as soon as the doors open, staggers out, narrowly avoiding falling into the gap. People stare at his white-coated figure and erratic behavior, but he doesn’t--can’t--care about that right now. He *needs* to get to that field, he needs to talk to those boys.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Crossing the street without a glance toward either side, Kibum sees the pair of boys standing stock-still in the field, their eyes trained on him. He also notices for the first time the man in the long coat on the bench behind them, sitting with one leg crossed over the other.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Onew.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum feels bile surge up his throat, and it’s just about everything he can do to not throw up right then and there. It’s him, he *knows* it’s him. Jinki wouldn’t sit like that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Sweating from the tumultuous mix of emotions, Kibum feels himself cracking. After two years, to see Onew again, is too much. All of his carefully-constructed scaffolding is coming down around him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He seethes. Onew. If it was Jinki, maybe he could pity him. Onew, though, he can *hate.* </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Anger, resentment, and, horrifyingly, tears start welling up in him. Worst of all, he doesn’t know how much of it is his own. Shaking, Kibum aborts an unconscious move to wrap his arms around himself. He refuses to look weak in front of this miserable coward.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As much as he wants to turn around and forget this ever happened, the mystery of the two boys and why they feel like </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> is too much of a temptation. Steeling himself with a deep breath, clenching and unclenching his hands, Kibum bites his lip and looks up again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two boys are still frozen, twin expressions of shock on their faces. But when Kibum looks at them, a dam breaks and they stumble forward in sync with each other, taking small, hesitant, and jerky steps toward Kibum.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Minho, Taemin, wait!” It’s Onew’s voice. He sounds on edge, nothing like the confidence-laced tones Kibum is used to associating with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The boys ignore him, shakily continuing toward Kibum as if drawn by an invisible force.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Jonghyun, wait!”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum’s heart pumps in his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jonghyun</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Kibum feels himself instinctively react to the name, snapping his head toward Onew, who is looking at him with pleading eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The sight snaps something in Kibum. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare</span>
  </em>
  <span> you say his name,” he snarls, ignoring the tug in his heart. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kibum, I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t!” Kibum can’t handle this. The two boys aside, the sight of Onew is bringing back wave after wave of emotions that Kibum has been repressing for two years. Betrayal, mostly. Anger is there too, and sadness, and a creeping nostalgia. A useless yearning for things to be back to how they were, with the three of them in the lab together laughing--</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kibum,” this time, Onew’s voice is thick. When Kibum looks up, there are hints of tears in his eyes. The expression makes him think of Jinki, which does nothing for his already fragile state.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kibum, I need to say I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>sorry</span>
  </em>
  <span>? You--” Kibum sputters. “Who am I talking to right now?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s me--I--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Which. One.” Kibum grits out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I--we’re together right now. It’s both of us.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, we--Kibum, we’re both so sorry. We both knew, and we tried to stop it, and we never wanted--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Never wanted what?” Kibum laughs, a noticeable edge of hysteria lacing his voice. “Never wanted to help the government use our research to extract the souls of the poor to feed to the rich? Never wanted to lie to your friends? Never wanted to hurt us?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum’s voice cracks on the last word, but he stubbornly refuses to yield eye contact. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Onew--or Jinki? Kibum can’t tell when he’s scratching at his arms and looking at him desperately--gulps down a breath. “No,” he whispers, “I never did. Any of it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>why?!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Kibum screams. He can have volume control, or he can remain standing right now. He chooses standing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I--they threatened you and Jonghyun. They told me they’d use your souls for their experi--experiments.” A hiccup. This must be Jinki now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And your solution was </span>
  <em>
    <span>better</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Kibum jabs his hand at him, beyond caring if he’s mad at Onew or Jinki right now. “You stole the souls of innocent people! And you dare say it was for our sake?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinki sobs, shaking his head miserably.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>broke</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jonghyun! His soul split in half from the shock, and you say you did it to save us?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinki is silent, sobs wracking his body as Kibum continues, until a pair of light gasps reaches his ears. For the first time since he started this--argument? Screaming match? Kibum doesn’t even know what this is--he remembers the two boys. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They are standing nearby, the taller one’s mouth dropped open in shock and the smaller one covering his mouth in a similar state.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With two years of resentment turning into viciousness, Kibum swirls toward Jinki again to sneer, “And who are these two, huh? Two new pretty, young assistants? Looks like they didn’t know about your </span>
  <em>
    <span>background</span>
  </em>
  <span>, did they?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jinki, still trembling, looks at the two boys, who flinch away from his gaze. He looks down, but when he meets Kibum’s gaze again there’s a determination there that takes him aback.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kibum, I need you. That’s the reason I found you today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I--you </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> me? Now?” Kibum is incredulous.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. Those two boys--Minho and Taemin--have had their souls stolen from them. Half each. I believe the government is behind it, and Kibum….I think they want to do more. They have something big planned, and I need your help to stop them. It was our research, Kibum. We need to make it right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What--I---how can I believe you after all you’ve done?” Kibum can feel the tension in his body rising, burning into something out of his control. “How can I--you </span>
  <em>
    <span>betrayed</span>
  </em>
  <span> us. I can’t--you--” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Heat is rising into Kibum’s palms, a migraine throbbing in his head. It’s too much. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Kibum, wait, this is dangerous--”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved </span>
  </em>
  <span>you!” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s quiet, so quiet. And then a massive shockwave of psychic energy comes, the heat bursting out of Kibum’s body as he lets out a scream.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Vaguely, as his temples burn and his eyesight blurs, Kibum sees Jinki bracing against the force, coat billowing behind him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lethargically turning his head, Kibum sees the two boys fall to the ground. A distant pang of concern resounds somewhere in him, but before he can focus on that, he sees a red sphere of energy lift up from the two boys and rush toward him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Red…..Jonghyun?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Time slows as Kibum feels himself split apart. He is fabric that is tearing along a weakened seam, howling as the stitches of two years fray and tear.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It ends, and Kibum pants on the ground. When he looks up, he sees the red outline of a man. A face he holds so dear that tears spring to his eyes unbidden. He reaches a trembling hand out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kibum.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His voice. He had stopped hearing it years ago, broken into a million pieces when all he heard was the wailing of a shattered soul.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kibum, it’s me. I’ve been with the both of you for the past two years. Jinki is telling the truth. He--and Onew--are remorseful. They want to fix what they’ve done.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even though it’s him, Kibum cannot help but argue, “He can start by fixing you. I just--I’m so angry, Jjong, I don’t think I can let go of it.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s ok. You don’t have to let go yet. Just trust in him.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The man looks over his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I found those two boys. They were dying, Kibum. They needed a soul. I decided to give them mine to hold onto until theirs return. But we don’t have much time, Kibum. Jinki needs you to help him make things right.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum blinks and stares at the ground.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kibum</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he breathes. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kibum. You’ve held onto me for two years. You took the most damaged, broken parts of me and sheltered them. You held me together when I needed you the most. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum feels himself choking on hot tears at the sight of a sincere smile and earnest eyes. He feels his heart thrumming in his chest, the intensity of it reverberating through his whole world.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kibum, thank you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Blonde hair and a tilted chin, a slightly lopsided smile. It hurts to see, and it makes Kibum want to stumble forward and reach--</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not yet time for that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Painful, poisonous grief surges up, a denial on his lips. But he is not done speaking, it seems.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The time will come. Soon, even. But for now, you can let go. Be yourself. Your beautiful, generous, strong self.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kibum is silent for a long moment, and then another. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s ok. It will all be ok. </span>
  </em>
  <span>A mischievous grin. </span>
  <em>
    <span>When have I *ever* been wrong?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Plenty of times,” Kibum mutters to himself in a thick voice, before taking a deep breath.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He lets go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>…</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s a sense of fulfillment. Of blinking your eyes once, twice, three times, and rubbing away the spots. It’s the relief of finally turning away from the window and the everlasting horizon. It’s a peaceful calm, for the first time in two years. It is enough.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>--</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Would absolutely love some comments on this!! Always looking to improve my writing and meet fellow Shawols :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know gen fics aren't super popular, but would love some feedback! I'm always looking to improve my writing!</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>